WARNING: If a splat in a Party Braap lasts for more than 4 hours, please contact your doctor.
(Disclaimer: Exploring Elements has no formal relationship with Liquidlogic Kayaks, and received no compensation of any kind for the publication of this article. The opinions here in are exclusively Bobby “The Dogg” Miller’s, a Liquid Logic ambassador.)
Do you want to party? Well Liquidlogic has outdone themselves, this time taking their industry leading design, the Braap, and squashing the stern, creating the Party Braap! The best all around boat on the market, all of the sudden became a lot more dynamic and more fun to paddle, all the while keeping the same high level of performance of the original! This boat does it all, from running insane Class 5 whitewater to a variety of downriver freestyle moves, even running insane Class 5 while doing downriver freestyle moves! The Dogg, always being at the forefront of kayak innovation, recognized the mastery of this design, and was one of the first people to pick one up! Let me tell you reader, I have never had so much fun on the river as I have had in the Party Braap! Rivers like the Upper Yough, Great Falls of the Potomac and the Upper Blackwater will instantly become your playground of verticality! If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it! You’ll be happier and giggle heartier than a shopper finding a Chewbacca mask at Kohl’s!
The progressive boat design of the Party Braap has led to the resurgence of the greatest move in all of kayaking; the boof-splat, aka the Party Boof! Boofs and splats have been done for ages, and are super fun moves, but when Liquidlogic created the Party Braap they opened up a great way to combine these two fan favorites, into one dynamic move. All you need is a steeply sloped boof rock, a quick boat with a low volume stern and a cavalier attitude to launch yourself into the chaos! You paddle hard at the rock, take a big, overly exaggerated, splat stroke and launch yourself up the rock vertically and air born, falling stern first! The real key to pulling off this move is to first get yourself a Party Braap! Embrace the knowledge and care that Shane and Pat put into this design, improving upon the older crop of boats from the 90’s with slicey sterns. You don’t eat at a Mexican restaurant that reuses the left over chips! You want something new and fresh! Getting the wrong boat will take you down a road that you don’t want to go. That moment that you realize your boat doesn’t measure up to the Braap, is like getting that Facebook friend request from a hot blond named Ivana Sukonit. Everything looks like the real deal, and then you click accept and your computer gets locked up by a mega virus that destroys your hard drive! Believe me, you don’t need that kind of disappointment in your life! Uh, not that I would know. You see, this happened to a friend of mine. Let me tell you reader, choosing the wrong boat can leave you screaming in agony like a bear passing tappen after hibernation! If you think that any other boat on the market can match the Braap for overall performance, then you’re grasping at more straws than a fat lady in a milkshake factory!
Are you sure you can handle the magical powers that come with the Party Braap? I know that you may be dubious about anything mystical coming from owning a boat, but never doubt the Party Braap! It will hit you that first time that you come up on the boof at National and notice that that Dallas Cowboys cheerleading squad is on the river right boulder. When you realize that they are cheering for you, and only you, then it will truly set in! This use to be a privilege reserved only for The Dogg but it is now available to you as soon as you plant yourself in the seat of a Party Braap! Suddenly your acne will be cured, members of the opposite sex will eye you seductively every time you walk down the aisles at Walmart, your mullet will once again be the latest craze in hairstyle, you’ll develop the ability to hear sign language, do no-hands pushups through levitation, win a game of Connect 4 in three moves, kill two stones with one bird, speak Braille, and so much more!
Live your life without limits! Why be stuck in a creek boat that has no playful characteristics? You might as well drive your car over the stern to at least try to salvage some Party! Why be stuck in a short playboat with no hull speed or creeking capability? No one cares that you can loop a kayak! The Party Braap can do it all: attainments, splats, ear dips, Party boofs! Oh yeah! The Party Braap turns up the fun like a Balzac! The best part is that you don’t have to be the World’s Greatest Kayaker to do these moves in a Party Braap! The quickness allows you to easily do attainments, ferries and launch huge boofs. The stern gives you the ability to get vertical on command, but doesn’t engage when you paddle aggressively. The bow rides on the surface, keeping you headed easily toward your destination. There is no time better than the present. Time is a precious thing, never waste it. So get yourself a Party Braap, and unlock a world of pure imagination!